I was looking around at sites and came across one where the webmaster proudly said they used ai to code it ...... far be it from me to say but that's cringe as hell. like, people can do whatever they want and i don't really care but this bugs me. why would you even want to make a site here if you're just going to have ai code it for you ???? if you dont want to code then use a template or something, at least then you'll actually learn a little bit and have a direct hand in what your own personal site looks like. these people just want an end result without any kind of effort. lets skip the journey, the self discovery, the passion, and just type in a little prompt and have the site instantly coded for me. like what is the point????? thats no fun at all ????? what? why are you here???
im going to be a mean girl gatekeeper about this. there is literally no point to making your own site /for fun/ if you're going to have ai do all the work. jesus christ
i wanted to write a little bit on what i've done with my computer to make it more suited for me and how i outsourced my phone's functions because it made me mad and i didn't want it anymore
i had to get a new laptop because my old one was eating shit. this was around the time that copilot was announced for windows 11 and support for windows 10 was said to be ending soon. it took me SO LONG just to get my older laptop to not piss me off on a regular basis. I think the most complicated thing I did was going into the registry and changing a bunch of values to make local search stop suggesting websites. it was all little stuff like that that really grinded my gears, and so to think of having to do this all over again with a more """user friendly""" interface made me want to bash my head through a window. so I said fuck it and decided to get a windows computer and set it up with linux myself. i installed ubuntu which is this fairly basic and simple ui that kind of resembles windows but still lets you do what you want with it. and oh my god, the peace and quiet on my desktop cannot be overstated. no pop ups for windows defender that you cant turn off, nothing starting up at launch without permission, just nothing. it was lovely, and i still feel happy when i think about how much less in-my-face this laptop is than my old one.
as for my phone, i don't remember what the final straw was for me, but it was definitely either someone saying some shit online or a ui update that pissed me off. but after that i decided it would be fun to categorize everything i use my phone for and outsource it to things that are made specifically for that purpose. my thought process was kind of like, if people survived in the past without these, then it shouldn't be a big deal, right? and yeah i was right it's pretty cool. my old phone is basically just a glorified gps with a camera at this point, and it's nice to be able to just forget it exists instead of needing to bring it everywhere. I started a CD collection for music, and it's been extremely fun to own my music physically. I've also downloaded mp3s of all my favorite songs onto my flip phone and made a backup on my computer, which completely solved the vocaloid fan's old dilemma of what to use for music. I modded my 3ds which still lets me play games everywhere without having to bring my whole ass switch. most things that have 2fa have an option where they can just text you a code instead of having to use an app. anything i need the internet for i can just use on my computer (the exception to this is when im too lazy to get my computer and i want to watch youtube, but when i remember i don't have an adblocker on my phone i end up getting it anyways).
what this all means to me is that if you have something in your life that you use often that's set up in a way that inconveniences you, you can always just say fuck it and mod it in some way. if you use a site for reference but it's always annoying you with ads, you can just make your own page to reference here. hell, i made an acnl guide from a small book because i was sick of looking up fish all the time. and it doesnt even have to be electronic either. if you dont like your notebook cover it in stickers. if you something with a cute charm on it but you dont use the object much, rip it off and put it on something else. I had a pen with a cute bunny attached to the lever thingy and im making a hairclip out of it.
i dont really know why i felt compelled to write all of this but it just feels fun to get it out on paper (on computer?)
I am so incredibly bored tonight. Usually I fall back on video games but none of them sound fun so I've been trying to fill the dead space with whatever I can think of. I colored a picture of a moth to be rainbow. I watched multiple 1+ hour long videos about some ex-mormon's experience. I got pizza. It's a very spontaneous night
Lately I've been writing in a little self-care book I got a while back and it's actually been so nice. For one, I've always like the idea of carrying around something to remind me of what coping mechanisms I have, but that would usually come in the form of a piece of paper I would forget about. Plus, I'm taking the time to reflect on how each day went, which is making them blend together less. I hope I can keep this up, because it's helping me a lot.
The past couple days have been good but tonight I'm feeling down about the uncertainty of my future career. I don't really know what I want to do, and I think I'm going to switch majors because the degree I'm working on now just isn't working out for me. I like the idea of it, but I don't feel like I can do it. It requires a lot that I just don't have in me. I know worrying isn't going to help so I'm trying not to think too hard about it because there's not a whole lot I can do about it at 2:00 am on a sunday.
I'm going to try to remember that I have a list of songs I want to download to my phone later. For now, I think I'm gonna go clean out my fridge
I feel awful for taking another day off of work. I keep trying to tell myself that if my therapist was here she would tell me it's more important to take care of my mental health but I can't get rid of the awful feeling in my stomach just by out-thinking it. Thus why I'm writing it down, maybe that will help. I don't feel like I can do anything. By far one of the things I hate most about depression is the paralysis around doing anything at all. I can just keep thinking up things that I should get done but doing that isn't going to help me very much. The moment I try to tell myself to do anything I don't want to do my brain immediately jumps to wanting to die which is so frustrating. I'm pretty sure it's because it used to be such a common thought that now even though I'm doing better it's still reflexive to immediately think that. I'm going to try to get a shower really quick and eat and I will come back to this when I'm done.
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so now that i have returned and im not freaking the fuck out i no longer feel bad about this. depression is such a bitch and im going to do what i have to to make my own life feel tolerable. its like that one thing curly said from mouthwashing, something like 'i just want to live a life i dont feel like i have to escape from'. yeah i know its a little dramatic when im just talking about going to work but everything feels like climbing a mountain sometimes and im not going to push myself too hard.
reading what i wrote earlier, guilt tripping myself was keeping me in bed way harder than anything else was. the thing that got me up to do something was 1. thinking about how much better i will feel 2. realizing that i had an opportunity to make myself feel better and 3. having a little window of time to pass between now and when my food got here. reading this, my brain immediately thinks that if i had the opportunity to make things better then, i should just fix everything else now, which then leads into guilt tripping territory, and then im feeling bad again. i'm going to try both taking my energy levels into account and trying to do things more often.
on that last point, trying to do more stresses me out a lot because it feels like the only way out of this hole is to hurry up and do the things im putting off and to keep up with everything all the time and it feels impossible which in turn makes me feel like i'm never going to feel better. i've already talked to my therapist about this, and we've kind of devised a plan to take things one week at a time and it's been really helpful.
i dont know what im going to do for the rest of the night. i think im going to try to clean a little.
p.s. i just remembered pathological demand avoidance is a thing i struggle with and im going to try to keep that in mind when making plans to do things
its like 2 am for me right now and i have no will to sleep. ive been bitten by the "lets go do things" bug, specifically for working on the site. right now im sitting around listening to the fnaf 6 ost and waiting for my boyfriends 3ds to come in the mail so i can jailbreak it for him. i made a lot of bracelets earlier. i feel like its been a pretty good weekend so far
something i really like to focus on in this site is making sure that theres a lot of substance to most pages, i.e. stuff to read. this is partially because i feel weird if my pages are just visually appealing and nothing else, but mostly because i love going back and re-reading it. you know the type of guy that gets on his high horse feeling like theyre using the internet better than everyone else because they dont use the cool new technologies? once i saw one of those guys say something like "mimimimi i dont need css to make a good website mimimi anyone that uses css is dumb". that was not what he actually said at all but the notion of focusing more on the html content than the css stuff honestly kind of resonated with me and so if a page isn't specifically for show i always keep in mind to make sure it has significant enough html content to justify my making it.
speaking of new technologies and things some random guy said, i switched to a flip phone a long time ago and when i first did i was looking up threads on reddit of people doing the same thing and i saw some guy say he had to switch back to a smartphone because he couldnt take everyone staring at him like he was crazy every time he took out his flip phone. the way he worded it sounded like people were just ostracizing and judging this dude left and right and he just couldnt be on his phone in peace. i think about that post every time i take mine out and nobody around me gives a shit
i kind of wanted to make a page on small things i did to make my life more enjoyable for me but then i realized "download 1000 songs onto a flip phone and throw your smartphone into the lake" wasnt really small. but that leads me to my next random little tangent and thats that there are seriously no rules for how you have to live your life. most of us here on neocities already kind of had that experience of "oh i can just make a website i dont have to use the internet like i have been before" and thats the kind of thing i mean. you can live your life literally however you want. norms do not have to control you. wear whatever the fuck crazy fashions you want. throw parties for your friends for holidays you made up. this month im celebrating both homestuck day and just being alive. if theres something you dont like about your life get it the fuck outta there!!!!!! delete your social medias get a pet snail i dont know man just live it up.
its time for me to sleep now i hope this has been as enlightening for you as it has for me. sometimes your brain just word vomits at you and you need to write it down somewhere
I think what I'm most excited for is that I'm going to put up a page about fashion soon. Lolita fashion has been very uplifting for me in these past few months and I like to think I've started a cute wardrobe for myself
I also want to make a page for me to keep track of my scores in Rhythm Heaven Megamix. I used to have a spreadsheet but I had to start the game over after I hacked my 3ds. I'm thinking I'll just list the songs I get a 97+ on, since 97-100 tends to be what I aim for. Maybe 98. I don't remember how hard a 97 is.
Speaking of RHM, I kind of hate that they show you your timing on the bottom screen, because I get so wrapped up in trying to get every hit perfect even when I'm just trying to play the game casually. You literally get 2 frames in order to get a perfect hit. I don't need that kind of stress right now man. wtf
I was watching a video earlier this morning about algorithms and all that and it was mostly standard "internet sucks now" but I really wanted to write down one of the quotes he said in reference to influencers and stuff: "You weren't unhappy until they told you you should be". As in people online constantly point out problems with this and that and how much life sucks that it's hard not to start constantly thinking this way as well. I'm going to think about that for the next few days, I think it gives some valuable insight.
This is quite literally the greatest song I have ever heard in my life
I'd like to work on this more in the near future, just cause I have a lot of ideas and I want to see them actualized. And I also want to finish the things I've started even though that's really hard.
It's been wonderful to get back into web design. Compared to my last site, I'm aiming for this one to be more organized, focused, and to be coded in a way that is actually modifiable in the future without fear of breaking everything
My ideas remain pretty much the same -- this is to serve as kind of a reminder for myself that the internet can still be a fun place. I'm continuing to do my best in stepping away from social media and the like, and seeking out as many smaller, passion-driven sites that I can, because they are so enjoyable. Doing this as opposed to switching between the same few major sites is what I feel like "surfing the web" should be about.
I think the major difference between Mourniingstar and Interstellar Vessel is that I've been able to seriously cut my dependence on the internet for everything. I don't feel like I need to surround my internet persona with every single thing I like because I'm also able to express myself in person. It sounds simple, but being on certain parts of the internet for years can make you think that your online persona has to be 1:1 to your actual self, and everything needs to be shared. This can be hard to explain but if you've been on tumblr you know the site has this huge culture of listing out every single one of your traits, likes, dislikes, and even trauma-related things because it's normal for everything about someone to be published and omission of information is seen as dishonest. In the past year that I've stepped away from being social online, I've started to realize the importance of privacy and forming strong connections with people instead of posting everything cuz mutuals = friends. So yeah, I'm toning it down a bit, and I'm going to put a greater focus on publishing things because I think it's fun to write about rather than because I think people need to know about it. This site will function less as a "second home" and more as a passion project on the side.
I'd like my site to function as a few things: coding practice, a place to keep links/graphics/ect handy and organized, an outlet for writing, and as a reason to keep practicing pixel art. I have a lot of things I like to talk about, and putting it down into paragraphs makes my brain go :D