so i came across this video, and it put into words exactly what i was trying to say. i didn't realize it was such a fandom-specific issue, but it makes sense. i was pretty deep in the whole anti side of tumblr at the time, and it was exactly as toxic and exhausting as the video here describes. i and everyone else had good intentions, but i think being young and relatively immature combined with the echo chamber-like environment and the fact that there was a whole lot of really disgusting things happening all over the internet being shown to people via algorithms was the perfect recipe for a culture like that.

through that video i also found this site, which has been really interesting to look through. the links to transphobia in particular make a lot of things make sense. internet terves never fail to produce the stupidest takes imaginable, and to see that was linked to the whole anti movement is upsetting but important to see. it really is so far left that it wraps around and becomes right wing again.

it's really difficult for me to formulate my thoughts about this. I've spent so long in spaces that required perfectionism that even using certain language feels off limits to me. i want to say that the idea of 'don't like don't read' is probably the best and most mature way for fandoms to operate. I've been that person who thinks that the things I didn't like had to have some moral justification for disliking them, and unfortunately it's just something that needs to be grown out of.

also, i'm kind of struggling with the knowledge that there is some content out there that is absolutely reprehensible. that was kind of the basis of the arguments we used as antis, was that the morally reprehensible things should not be allowed (this was the fundamental belief, but it trickled down into condemning less serious things too). i'm trying to figure out the nuance between all of this and where i stand. i'm almost afraid to take an anti-anti stance because of how often we had just labelled those people as pedo supporters, which i really believed was the case at the time. i feel like every time i figure out what i think, my brain always jumps to the most extreme example to combat it.

i think where i stand is that i believe fiction and reality are two separate things and people should do what they want as long as it's not hurting other people. i have a hard time with this because i am scared that people will think i'm supporting pedos, which re-reading that is honestly a ridiculous conclusion to draw. this does go back to the idea of people needing to list out every single one of their beliefs otherwise others will assume things about you, which was extremely prevalent in anti circles. i don't care what people do online, and people who try to twist that into something awful need to go outside.